Building Resilience Muscles
We talk about being resilient and how to overcome obstacles all the time. But what does that really look like?
When I have asked for help in dealing with my issues of the past, I was told things like “Get over it”, “It could be worse”, “It’s the past”, “That happened a long time ago” or other popular phrases to console or ease my pain. My advisors were well meaning I’m sure, but the reality was this guidance was a “quick fix”. . .not something that could provide sustained relief or initiate any kind of NEW reality for me as I dealt with my past.
I needed to learn about and develop a new life skill of Resilience. One thing that we must understand about being resilient: it is NOT a quick fix. It is a process that takes time and practice. I view resilience like working out at the gym - the harder that you work on it the more it grows.
The fact of the matter is that things have happened in our lives which we will never be able to erase from our memories. We see and hear things that remind us of the traumatizing event/events that happened in our life (we usually call these triggers). Once we are triggered, we must put into practice our growing skill set of resilience. At first, when we are in the early phases of developing this skill it may feel awkward and even painful to try to exercise it. We may not know the exact next step to take or the “right” next thing to say. But we know we want to overcome this obstacle, bounce back, and create that new and better reality. . . so we practice.
I know for myself it seems like once I deal with one problem it’s like “whack-a-mole” at the arcade. . . another problem pops right back up to challenge me! I have a quote that I tell myself in those situations - “That’s Life”. Which sometimes makes me smile before I go “pick up the mallet” to address the newest obstacle and build more resilience muscles!
It IS life in most situations. Many times we do not have control over adversity whether it be illness, natural disaster, death, loss of a job, divorce, or the numerous other challenges life throws at us. But the more we practice our resilience skill the better we become at problem solving and the more we can actually embrace this journey called life.
